Can a woman be cured of her ‘daddy issues’ if she dated an affectionate older man?
18 Feb
Posted by nikmerchant in Psychology
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Girl asked:
Let’s say a girl around the age of 18 grew up with a very unemotional and unaffectionate father and always seeked affection from random guys through sex because she never got any at home.
Let’s say a girl around the age of 18 grew up with a very unemotional and unaffectionate father and always seeked affection from random guys through sex because she never got any at home.
If that girl dated an older man in his 30’s or 40’s and he was very affectionate and gave her the attention that her father never gave her, do you think that she would be cured of her ‘daddy issues’ or would it make it worse?
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8 Responses
Comment by Phyl D
February 20, 2010 at 6:07 pm
No feeling the need to date an “affectionate older man” is a symptom of the daddy issues. Should the relationship go sour (and be realistic about having a functional long term relationship with someone who’s that much older) that could make it worse.
Comment by shawn
February 21, 2010 at 9:35 am
definately make things worse, thats just wrong lol hey i’m 38 wanna go out ha ha just kidding. i don’t know but i think it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen
P
Comment by Samantah
February 24, 2010 at 6:49 am
weird, I just saw a movie that was that exactly and the girl ended up getting murdered bc the guy was insane. Think about it, a 40 year old man wanting an 18 year old. Something is wrong
Comment by PsychoKrazy
February 26, 2010 at 4:13 am
Most likely not. If it’s one thing I’ve learned in my 18 years of life on this planet, it’s that other people can’t cure any of my issues. I have to figure out things on my own and do my own work. Same thing with this girl. She’ll never be cured if she expects someone else to cure her “daddy issues”. Going to an older affectionate man is pretty much the same as seeking sex from random guys. If she truly wants to get better, she has to learn to love herself first. Hope you learned something today.
Comment by sweet.caroline
February 27, 2010 at 8:53 am
I don’t think that is going to help. Just having someone who is very affectionate and loving, no matter the age would likely help.
Sometimes women who seek sex from men were molested as children. I don’t know if that could be part of the problem here, but the woman might want to see if that could be part of the problem. Doesn’t have to be father but could be other relative.
A sexual partner or boyfriend isn’t going to replace a father.
Perhaps she needs to go to see a psychologist to discuss some of the hang ups she has and how she felt having an unaffectionate father. Was the mother affectionate? She has some major issues and she needs a professional to talk with her and to describe her feelings. The professional will know more about what she needs to know than just a friend would. I think the promiscuous behavior is a factor that needs to be discussed as well.
Good luck to the girl. Many dads are not very emotional or affectionate but it doesn’t mean they don’t love their children.
We all have some problems to work out. I think psychologist is wholistic medicine and helps take care of the whole body and mind. it is healthy process to work through problems and stress. I didn’t realize until a doctor sent me to psychologist for stress in relation with having sleep apnea. Evidently stress can be a factor in sleep apnea too. It was a surprise, but it was a good experience. He recommended a woman who was excellent. I wish I knew someone similar where I am. I went another time or two when I lived elsewhere but didn’t click like I did with her. So I should find someone with whom I feel a rapport now.
Comment by Savvy Chic Physics Chick
March 2, 2010 at 11:30 am
No kind of dating will “cure” your “Daddy issues.
A man you’re dating can’t be your father.
Dating an older man is no better or worse than dating a younger man.
I can relate to your situation. I do have a pretty great dad, but he was stressed out a lot due to his job, so I felt like he was emotionally unavailable for me for a good portion of the time. (Also he didn’t have sisters growing up–just brothers–and I sometimes feel like he raised me like a son. You know. To be tough and successful and all that jazz, without much emphasis on being pretty/huggable, etc).
Due to this, I get lots of bad crushes on older guys (ministers–professors–it’s awful — I just yearn for that sense of approval for me as a feminine being). I haven’t given up on finding a cool guy who’s older than me, within reason, but I’ve had just as many problems because of crushes on older guys as I have over my relationships with younger guys.
I recommend — as weird as this sounds — that you “daddy” yourself. Treat yourself to things, hug yourself, tell yourself you’re beautiful in the mirror. Give yourself a nickname like “Sparkles.” Buy a teddy bear. Make wishes on dandylions and falling stars. Support yourself for who you are and for all your girly, cutsey dreams.
The thing is, men are men, whatever age they are — some of them are great, some of them are just after sex. And some older men take advantage of young women who want Daddies.
Me — I always tend to go for older professional guys who hate their careers and are as emotionally unavailable in the long run as my dad was due to his job!! So the idea is, the problem will come back to haunt you if you don’t solve it from the root — and the root is always inside of yourself.
Love yourself, and “daddy” yourself by supporting your own tenderness and femininity as much as possible, and by being protective of yourself. (If a guy is after sex with you only, protect yourself from that situation, just like a caring dad would do.) It will help you a lot.
Comment by Turnover 10
March 4, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Older men want sex just like younger men. They just have more experience on the right things to say and do to get to what they want. There have been successful marriages with large age gaps but like the divorce the rate is higher. Expect some father daughter conditions along with the equal partnership if you want to continue. He will always be ahead of you maturity and what is considered fun or serious. And he will die and leave you at a younger age. (more likely than not) Affection lasts 2 to 5 years then friendship and comfort is the only thing that keeps a marriage together.
Comment by ankit
March 6, 2010 at 3:45 pm
I think age is not really important variable it is every one’s mind set. And not other like what the business he do, how he looks, what he earns, and other thing.
Ofcource one must think about life looking for short term as well long term aspect of any decision and its manipulation. This kind of things I believe is very personal and one can not blame to society or family or friends for own way of living at every moment.
I am generalising because right now It is sex issue but, some times one shall go for money, friend, relative, residence, career, emotional, meaning to life. when one shall go for such issue no one really can tell what exactly he need to do!! one has to choose one action and whatever the result(here it is daddy issue)come he has to accept for his/her own action. I do every critical things base on this and thus never be so tense with future to destroy my present.